...Your preferred method of firing an employee involves a plank, shark infested waters, and a ten foot drop

...You use the words “Port” and “Starboard” when giving directions

...You really, really, really hate ninjas

...Opening a bank account requires the use of a shovel, a compass and a map

...You’re Arrrrrr Rated

...You have the only boat in the marina equipped with a cannon

...All your problems can be solved with sufficient quantities of gunpowder and rum

...You’ve been banned from the pond because your toy boat keeps sinking the others

...You once fought a ninja and a cowboy to the death, and won

...An acceptable excuse for not being with your wife is that you are on a ship